The Corrs meet David Foster



A Tale of the Irish Countryside



Characters:

 Andrea Corr
Andrea

 Caroline Corr
Caroline

 Sharon Corr
Sharon

 Jim Corr
Jim

 David Foster
David



Setting:

A remote farm in County Donegal, Ireland (circa 1994)

 Corrs' home  Dear Old Donegal


A fellow changing his tire on a narrow road found himself immersed in a herd of dairy cattle. He didn't notice until most of them had passed that they were being herded by a young woman. D: "Good day." A: "Hallo. Excuse my cows. I wondered what was slowing them up." D: "Another five minutes and I'd have been out of your way." A: "Not many people come through here." D: "I made a wrong turn somewhere. All the signposts are in Gaelic and my map only has English. And everyone I ask for directions only speaks Gaelic." A (smiling): "Tá Béarla ag mo theaglach de gnáth, ach tá Gaeilge ag na ndaoine formhór timpeall anseo." D: "Please. I've been feeling like I'm on another planet." A: "I thought you were an alien." D: "Your roads around here have craters like the moon. They've hammered the life out of one of my tires." A: "This one's just an old cow path somebody threw some gravel on. They call it a boreen." D (reflecting): "I've heard of boreens... and Irish colleens. Your name wouldn't be Rosie McCann, would it?" A (laughing): "No-o. My name is Andrea Corr. I don't have nut-brown hair, and you're in the wrong county. I do have two white feet." D: "I think Rosie McCann had bare feet." A: "Rosie McCann likely had hookworm too." D: "You live on the farm here?" A: "With my sisters and our brother. I'd get him to help you, but he's not here right now." D: "I'm finished. I'd be grateful for a place to wash up though." A: "Sure. And you might like a cup of tea." As they caught up to the cows, she whistled a cheery melody. D: "I don't think I've heard that tune." A: "It's unlikely. I just made it up." D: "Hmm. Catchy." At the farmhouse, she filled a basin with water from the stove. A: "Tea, hot water, soap, towel... Have a blast." D: "Thanks a lot." She crossed the barnyard and disappeared into the milkshed. The visitor was just starting back across the yard when glorious song broke forth from the shed. It was a lone voice at first, but was soon joined by two others in rapturous harmony. ACS: I would run awa-ay I would run awa-a-ay with you-u-u. The visitor stood transfixed in the farmyard, as if he were experiencing an epiphany. He couldn't bring himself to move until the singing finished. Then he went to the milkshed door and looked within for the songsters. All he could see were the cattle in their stantions. He listened carefully and detected the sound of milk jets hitting the pails. Conversation followed and drew him toward its source. C: "The butter wouldn't churn this morning." S: "Someone's in love." C: "I wonder which one of us caused it." S: "I have a suspicion." A: "Me? Maybe if fantasies count. But if fantasies count, we'd never make butter around here. Hahaha!" The visitor found the milkers working on adjacent cows. S: "Dia dhuit." C: "Cén chaoi a bhfuil tú?" A: "He talks English." S: "Hey, Bub." C: "How ya doin'?" D: "I'm doing fine." A: "These are my sisters: Caroline, Sharon." D: "I'm David. I heard wonderful singing coming from in here." A: "We were. We like to sing to the cows." S: "It helps them let down their milk." D: "You sing like that just to help the cows let down their milk?!" C: "We have to sing them something." D: "It's a talent grossly under-used! It belongs in a concert hall. It should be on the air waves of the world, not confined to a barn in Donegal." C: "We play instruments too." S: "Would you like to hear us play?" D: "I sure would. When would be convenient?" A: "How about right now?" D: "Great!" The sisters hurried to empty their milk pails and get their instruments. Still wearing their milking smocks, they assembled in the barnyard, the lone audience member seated on an overturned grain pail. C: "One, two, three, four..." ACS: Uncle Benny, never had a penny, only had his old banjo. D: "Whoa, whoa, whoa. I like Uncle Benny, but I don't want to hear it right now. Can you play the one you were singing?" A: "Sure. You want to follow along?" D: "You've fully scored it." A: "That and these others." D: "There's more? I want to hear them all!" And he did. The impromptu concert was just finishing when a pickup pulled into the yard. The driver got out. J: "What's going on?" S: "This fellow says he's in the music business. He likes us!" C: "He says we could be making our own records!" A: "He says we could be touring the world!" The visitor let the sisters make his case, then stepped forward and extended his hand. The gesture was met reluctantly. D: "David Foster. Does that ring a bell at all?" J: "No." D (double-checking his pockets): "Wish I had one of my cards with me.... I wrote the theme song for the Calgary Olympics. I was in the opening ceremonies. Did you watch them?" J: "We don't have TV. Where's Calgary?" D: "Hmm... I've produced a number of soundtracks. Do you get out to the movies very often?" J: "We saw Crocodile Dundee in Derry one time." D: "That came out eight years ago." J: "Something like that." D (thinking aloud): "Let's see... I could list off some of the artists I've worked with, but how would I prove it? And you've never watched the Grammies...." J (impatient): "Look. I can't spare the girls. We've got a farm to run here. Good day." A: "Ji-im. I'll talk to him." Jim headed for the milkhouse. Andrea followed him. S: "Our brother's a little wary of strangers." D: "No offence." C: "I'd be offended." S: "So would I. That's no way to treat company." C: "We don't get a lot of company." S: "We have monogrammed linen and towels we never use." C: "We were saving them for when special company came." S: "They never came." J: "Did you finish the milking?" A: "No." J: "How long's he been here?" A: "An hour." J: "You know not to leave the cows in the shed unnecessarily." A: "Well, who cleans it out?" J: "What's he doing up here?" A: "I don't know what he's doing up here. You didn't give him a chance." J: "Look... I can't run this place on my own. And we can't just forsake it." A: "I don't know why." J: "We're the fifth generation here. I feel some loyalty to our ancestors." A: "Well, maybe we'd like a little more out of life." J: "What are you hoping for? Fame? Fortune? Glamour?" A: "Electricity. Running water. A telephone." The other three appeared at the door. J: "You know nothing about the guy." A: "Labhair Gaeilge. Is féidir leis tú a chloisteáil." D: "What'd she say?" S: "She said, 'Talk Irish. He can hear you.'" J: "Is cuma liom má chloiseann sé mé." C: "He said, 'I don't care if he hears me.'" A: "Tá tú ag caitheamh uait ár sárfhaill." S: "She said, 'You're throwing away a golden opportunity for us.'" J: "Conas an bhfuil fhios agat tá sé an rud a duírt sé tá sé?" C: "He said 'How do you know he's what he says he is?'" A: "Níl a fhios agat níl sé." S: "You don't know he's not." J: "Bhí mé timpeall daoine mó ná tú." C: "I've been around people more than you." A: "Ní féidir leis áitigh. Cé mhéad deis agam?" S: "I can't argue with that. How much chance have I had?" J: "Mar sin éirigh as ag argóint." C: "Then stop arguing." A: "Níl tú dáirire liom. Ceapann tú éidreorach táimid cur i gcoinne thú." S: "You don't take me seriously. You think we're helpless to oppose you." J: "Cad féidir leat? Bheith ar stailc?" C: "What can you do? Go on strike?" A: "Cad a dhéanfá mura dhéanfaimis?" S: "What would you do if we did?" J: "Cuir deireadh le turas míosúil go baile." C: "I'd cut off your monthly trip to town." A: "Ceapann tú teastaíonn ort do gach rud." S: "You think we depend on you for everything." J: "Tá sé cruinn. Tá sé fiche míle go baile. Ní féidir leat a thiomáint, agus tá na heochracha agam." C: "You do. It's twenty miles to town. You don't drive, and I keep the keys." A: "Ní ceapann tú faoi ár dtodhchaí ar bith. Ní teastaíonn liom caith an fuílleach mo shaol ag beithígh a chrú." S: "You don't consider our futures at all. I don't want to spend the rest of my life milking cows." J: "Bíonn sé saol maith. Níl cúis gearán agat." C: "It's a good life. You've got nothing to complain about." A: "Teastaíonn mo shaol tábhacht aici. Teastaíonn déan rud éigin ag iompar mo shíniú." S: "I want my life to count for something. I want to do something that bears my signature." A: "Teastaíonn coslorg fág. Teastaíonn daoine fhios acu bhí mé anseo." S: "I want to leave footprints. I want people to know I've been here." A: "Teastaíonn tionchar agam. Teastaíonn atáirg mé féin sa daoine eile. Níl tú in ann tiscint é sin, an bhfuil tú?" S: "I want to have influence. I want to reproduce part of myself in other people. You can't understand that, can you?" A: "Ní féidir leat tú féin a chur sa m'áit. Níl tú in ann feiceáil a dtuigeann ag searg san aonrú." S: "You can't put yourself in my place. You can't see that I'm withering in isolation." J: "Yap, yap, yap." C: "He said, 'Yap, yap, yap.' Means the same." A: "Tá sé teorainn! Is leor é sin! Teastaíonn amach! Ní féidir liom cur suas leis!" S: "That did it! I've had it! I want out! I'm not going to take it anymore!" J: "Téigh síos, cailín! Ag sáil!" C: "He said, 'Down, girl! Heel!'" A: "Brúid neamh-mhothálach! Bain do magairle féin agus beostoc a fhágáil mar atá!" S (wide-eyed): "Uh, let's leave that alone. I'm surprised at her." J: "An bhfuil sé an aimsir mhícheart míosa go tabann?" C: "We better leave that alone too." A: "Bíodh an diabhal agat! Agus tóg beithígh leat!" S: "This is getting ugly." The function of the two interpreters was reduced to little more than grimacing at the exchange of Gaelic verbal blows. C: "Ow-w! That was over the line." S: "Ouch!" C: "Oooo! Here comes the dirty laundry." S: "That happened years ago." C: "I'd forgotten about that." S: "They're not observing any statute of limitations." D: "We better do something. Can you two act as peacemakers?" S: "Of course. We're in the middle." C: "It's our natural aptitude." S: "Cease fire!" C: "Truce!" J: "Ghlac an bhfuil sibh páirt sa troid?" S: "We're not taking sides. Let's settle this peacefully. You shouldn't need to talk Irish in front of our guest." J: "I'm glad you're being sensible about it. I thought you'd side with her." S: "It's not as though siding with her wouldn't be sensible, but I'm being a diplomat. We need to cool down and be rational about this." J: "You really think she's right." S: "Yeah. And you're being pig-headed." J: "That's your idea of diplomacy? You try to get my guard down so you can kick me in the balls." S: "Labhair Gaeilge! Tá comhluadar againn." J: "Tá a fhios agam tá comhluadar againn! Ní féidir liom dearmad tá comhluadar againn. Tá sé cruthaigh trioblóid ar fad. Teastaíonn comhluadar fág!" C: "Tá tú cruthaigh trioblóid!" S: "Ba bhreá liom d'imeoá!" J: "An bhfuil sé an aimsir mhícheart míosa agaibh ar fad. Tá sé mo smaoineamh ifreann!" C: "Tá saol leat ifreann!" J: "Tá a fhios agam bheadh sé ceannairc luath nó mall. Tá sé toradh nuair teagmháil agaibh an domhan amuigh. C: "Teagmháil againn annamh an domhan amuigh!" S: "Beithíoch!" J: "Báirseac!" C: "Tioránach!" J: "Ag sáil! Ag sáil!" S: "Cábóg!" J: "Téigh síos, cailín! Hormóin le deargbhuile!" C: "Brúid!" D: "Please. I don't know what you're saying, but it sounds awful." J: "Would you like a translation?" D: "I'll take a stab at it: There'd be a lot less trouble if I left." J: "That's pretty good." D: "My love of music stems from a love of harmony. The last thing I want is to cause family discord." J: "You're leaving?" D: "If you'll give me directions out of here." J: "Where ya headed?" D: "Civilization." J: "Our road isn't on your map, but if you follow it down you'll come to this road here. And then you can see your way out. If you get lost and no one speaks English, just say, 'Nil tuairim faoin spéir agam cá tá mé. Foir orm le do thoil.' I'll write it on your map.... Just show them that." D: "What's it mean?" J: "It means, 'I have no idea where I am. Please help.' They'll probably look at you pathetically, but what else can you do?" D: "Thanks a lot... I think." The sisters watched the visitor drive away with such dismal expressions as have ever clouded a female countenance. J (rallying his troops): "There are cows to milk. And then we better clean out the shed." C: "Aw, Jim. Are you ever gonna let us off the farm?"

 Sweet colleen

 Actually, she was laughing at me.

 Two white feet ( I presume )

 Quintessential Irish colleen












































 Corrs' truck
































 Dreams


























































































 Corrs' home











A: "Sharon?" S: "Hmm?" A: "You asleep?" S: "How could I be? I wish Jim'd go to bed." A: "That man today... You think he really was in the music business?" S: "He knew a lot about music." A: "Could people away from here be much interested in songs we think up?" S: "I wonder. Our experience of life has been a little narrow." C: "Maybe he was just stringing us a line." A: "Maybe... Misty's calf won't settle down. I can hear him through the wall." S: "I wish the calf shed was separate from the house." C: "I think Jim's going to turn him into a steer tomorrow. Poor little guy." A: "I wouldn't want to have to do that.... I suppose we should be thankful for Jim." S: "I'll work on it." Once more, from the guitarist out by the hearth, arose the chorus: J: There was green alligators and long-necked geese, Some humpty-backed camels and some chimpanzees, Some cats and rats and elefinks, but sure as you're born, The loveliest of all was the u-nee-corn. C: "Jim-m!" J: "What?" C: "Will you knock it off?"









Relevant Links:

http://www.donegal.ie/
Dear old Donegal.  Who'd want to leave?

http://www.irishlinen.co.uk/
Expecting special company?  Of course, you'll want the finest linen. Excellent resale value if they never come.

http://www.trainersdirect.com/outlines/InterpersonalSkills.htm
Your diplomatic skills need toning up?  Maybe you should attend a seminar.

http://www.agwest.sk.ca/publications/ls_vaccines.php
Could there be an alternative to castrating cattle?  Vaccines may be the answer.

http://www.personalmd.com/news/hookworm_072600.shtml
25% of the world's population has hookworm.  You Bohemians out there get your shoes on.

Irrelevant Links:

http://www.mnteverest.net/
Want to climb Mount Everest?  Neither do I.  This site can tell you everything you won't need to know.

http://www.skydivewww.com/
How about jumping out of a plane?  If you ever change your mind, check this site out.

http://www.baseclimb.com/BASE_history.htm
Don't want the expense of hiring a plane?  Try jumping off
El Capitan.  It's illegal and they'll confiscate your equipment,
so the economics are questionable.

http://www.stamplink.com/
Don't want to live that close to the edge?  You might enjoy stamp collecting.



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